One Month down…

It has been one crazy start to my journey. Healthy living is incredible and I forgot how good healthy food taste. I did my weigh-in today and lost a total of 6.7 kgs. That is about 14 pounds and it just sounds much better than a few kilograms. I still have such a long journey ahead of me, but this is one that I am ready to walk. Even if I have to crawl my way through this, I will get to the end somehow. I have given myself 3 months to reach my first goal of 20kgs or more. My birthday is 2 months away. Hopefully another 14 kgs will be gone by then.

It is not a race that needs to be finished by then and loosing slowly is not a problem this time around. As long as there is some results at the end of each month I will be a very happy girl. Today was not a shocker as I have done weight loss programs and diets before. They worked well, but picked up the weight every single time. Reason for that is simple, I deprived myself from enjoying my food and getting my body use to eating healthier options.

The biggest question is always the simplest one. Why did I do this? Well, my doctor told me that I had to loose some weight. I have been suffering and no not struggling, I really mean suffering from backaches, tiredness and a closet full of clothes that don’t fit. Even my “fat” clothes were starting to get too small for me. When I got on the scale and it hit a number that was 15kgs more than what it was at my “biggest” back in the day, I knew it was time. It took me a while, exactly a year to get my mind on track. Yes, a whole year to realize that I had to make a change to my health.

As I said health, not weight and that is the difference between now and then. When I was 19 I lost over 20kgs, that is over 40pounds. I looked and felt great, but I never did it for myself. I was just embarrassed to be big and hated that I was not like the “skinny” girls. I did it for attention and not the good kind. I honestly just wanted to feel wanted. I did enjoy looking amazing for about 2 years and unfortunately I allowed circumstances to get to me and it all crawled back slowly. Three years passed and I gained all of weight that I had lost.

I did not cry about this or felt sorry for myself. I just didn’t care at all. I gained confidence as well. I was big and beautiful, but again things happened and more weight piled on. After my parents divorce it got a little crazy and I drank more and ate everything wrong for my body. I basically did not see a salad without something fattening in it. It was ruining my confidence, I didn’t care about doing my hair or wearing any makeup. I dressed poorly and hoodies became my best friend.

As much as I still had fun, flirted and got attention, thank God for boobies. It was not enough to make me happy. More things went wrong as now my job was getting to me. Shifts started dragging, I’ve always had a strong work ethic, however it didn’t stop them from demoting me back to my previous position. I hated every single day of the last 2 years. Now you will think that weight loss won’t make you happy. Of course it can. It is not about going to the mall and fitting into that smaller size jean or finding a top that doesn’t suck the life out of you. In one month I felt something change and that was me.

My body is looking different, but you would think that is the happiness I feel and it is not. Now for the second question. So what changed? Here is the interesting part, I still dress poorly. With reason I may add. I am hiding my weight loss so that I can come out with a big bang. Might as well surprise people and have fun with it. The change is simply me. My mind is more clear, I started taking good care of my skin, my hair is growing and looks healthier. I make sure my skin gets hydrated with water and lotions. I started doing things I wanted to do. I quit people I was trying to impress, I wake up easier and best part, my back is not killing me anymore. Those are just the simple changes and I feel better each day. The added bonus, I am 6.7kgs down.

What have I being doing to loose a few pounds? You can read my last blog post on the first week here. Fit and Healthy? I started with the 28 day diet, but stopped at day 20 as I couldn’t handle the headaches and sick feeling anymore. The last 10 days I went back onto the Medi-shape diet. This is much more healthier and easier to follow. I just didn’t take the Vitamin B12 injections and Vitamin pills. I lost about 2kgs in that time. I didn’t go to gym as much as I wanted to either. Probably would’ve lost a lot more weight if I did, but I didn’t want to push my body over it’s limit. Working shifts also works against me, but I still did crazy good with all the obstacles.

Now my diet is simple and easy. In the mornings I eat my cereal with low-fat or skim milk. Snack on either provitas or cracker bread with a little cream cheese (low in carbs). I then eat 2 portions of fruit for lunch. I usually just have bananas on its own or with pineapple. A cup of homemade soup for another snack. This is great as it winter in South- Africa at the moment. For dinner one small potato, 2 cups of veggies and one large salad. I have not been eating meat the last 10 days and ate minimal meat during the first 20 days as well.

I am cutting out as much meat as possible for now so that my body can get use to a more plant based diet. I start eating small portions of meat tomorrow, I will include this into dinner. I will stick to fish or chicken only for now. I know if you do training you need protein and carbs for energy, but I do know my body by now. I can actually eat more fruits and veggies, this still gives me the energy to workout for 1-2 hours.

Gym is now one of my favorite activities to do. I am beyond happy to be able to say that. It is easier to do if you cut out going out and giving your body time to rest and recover. Do I miss going out every time I am off? Honestly, no. I am enjoying the time I spend to get to know myself again. I am working on my mental health as well. I believe the body and mind needs to detox and diet together.

So why am I writing about my experience and documenting it? It is to keep myself inspired. It is just an added bonus if someone else gets inspired from this. I have always wanted to start a blog, so why not now? It was the perfect time to get my creative juices flowing, now that I am taking a break from photography work.

Now there was one thing that was really interesting about the last month. It was people’s reactions. Half of the people are excited for me, even a little inspired and the other half keep saying I thought you were happy with being a big girl. There are many saying you are beautiful just the way you are. Now lets get one thing straight, I love myself at any size, but if your physical and mental health is affected by being over-weight, then you need to make a change. I am not saying I have to look like the fitness models I love to follow, but to be a bit smaller and being able to take one flight of stairs without wanting to faint. That is pretty much my goal in life right now.

That is another reason for not wanting to see people right now, it is the comments of your so called “friends”. I prefer to stay away from as much people as possible, this is just my way of not getting people into my head. I am not a weak person or normally allow anyone to get inside my head, but I am vulnerable at the moment, if I can call it that. This is the best advise I can give anyone taking on this kind of journey and that is to spend some time alone.

Other things I have done was to hide away the scale. I have no idea where it is and for once I am not obsessing over my weight each day. Put that crying baby away and rather do a weekly or monthly weight-in to see your results.

I am excited to see what the next few months have in store for me. Everyday is one day closer to each goal I have set for myself.

Bibi

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